Just For Fun

The Altered States of a Baby Boomer's Youth Boomer Cafe

"Are you saved?"

The boy's eyes glittered as he tried to thrust a wet pamphlet in my hand. I sped past. It was the 1970s and I was a college student. In those years, the streets of Boston seemed filled with seekers: dreamy, beaming God's Children; Krishna's dazed devotees; Werner Erhard's smug EST graduates.

That Day I Told My Husband We Could Get a New TV,  Chicago Tribune

For years, my husband, Marc, lusted. He laid plans. He bided his time. He picked out the model he craved. How he hungered for her, his razor-slim, sultry, sleek, state-of-the-art, flat-screen TV.

The problem? We didn't need a new TV.

Confessions of a Perfume Slut, Better After 50

I am a perfume slut.

I can’t be faithful to just one fragrance. I have serial love affairs; no signature scent for me. This morning, I own thirty-something bottles of perfume and 103 sample vials on a dedicated closet shelf. And that doesn’t include the bottles I’ve grown tired of this year and given away.

Some people are drawn to wine, and can parse the specifics – an oaky taste, or notes of cinnamon or chocolate or grass. For me, it is perfume that plucks the strings of my neural wiring. Smell is the most primitive sense, a synaptic relay station to the limbic system, where memory and emotion lodge.

Just as some women can tell you exactly what they wore or what they weighed at every significant event in their lives, I can tell you what perfume I was wearing….

All in the Cattitude, Humor Times

Cats get no respect.

They're the Rodney Dangerfields of the pet world. An afterthought. Second best. The Chanukah wrapping paper in a store teeming with Christmas merchandise. You'll find miles of ribbon, tags, candy canes, and cartoon Santas... but only two dusty rolls decorated with dreidels. Ever notice how much space Petco actually gives cats? All that feline food, litter, toys, and furniture barely fills a few aisles. But dogs? 

Let's just say it's a dog eat doggie food world….

Gadget Graveyard, Humor Times

There's a graveyard in my basement.

The lower level of my house is the final resting place for dead and discarded kitchen appliances: those innovative, time-saving, cunning devices you buy in a flurry of anticipation and eagerness, convinced they'll transform you into a domestic goddess. 

My basement shelves are stacked with gimmicky gadgets that no longer work, never worked, or never even made it out of their boxes. In my defense, many of these items were gifts. But if you want to chart three decades of culinary trends, well hey, come on down…. 

Feline Fatale, Ducts

She was meant to be a companion for our cat Dizzy. She looked identical. The same kohl-rimmed eyes. The same silky, silver fur. The same sweet face. She was Dizzy's Doppelganger. But inside?

A heart of darkness….

Crazy Cat Lady, Better After 50

I have three cats, so naturally people like to buy me cat themed gifts, especially oversized mugs. Whether earthenware or bone china, these mugs all tend to feature frolicking felines with such captions as “Knit One Purr Two,” “I’ve Got Cattitude,” or “Chairman Meow.”

I’m not sure if these gifts are intended to say, “Here’s something I think you’ll like”, or, more likely, “Honey? You are one cat shy of being declared a crazy cat lady.”

So how many cats does it take to tip you over the threshold? Five? Ten? Twenty-seven? When do you cross over the border between pet lover and crazy cat lady?....

Tupperware, Schtupperware, Huffington Post

I have an embarrassing confession. 

Last week I was invited to a Tupperware party. That’s not the embarrassing part.

The embarrassing part is that I went….

25 Signs You’re A Veteran Mom, Scary Mommy

Maybe it starts when you realize rock concerts give you a headache. Or that you're offering to cut up other people's food. Or that you catch yourself ending a discussion with, "Because I'm the mother, that's why." You've reached a new level of motherhood. All the warning signs are there. You know you've crossed the threshold when:

1. You count the sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to make sure they're equal.

2. You want to take out a contract on the kid who broke your son's favorite toy and made him cry.

3. You have time to shave only one leg at a time….